It has become important for me to look at not only who I put into my life but what I put out to others...my goal is not make them happy (however this is sometime a byproduct of a realtionship)but for us to be able to share truth.
Toxic Friends- Toxic Friendships
When Friends Hurt and Friendships Harm
Joy Stevens
Recognizing a toxic friendship before it starts. Avoid friends that harm you and friendships that are potentially harmful when you can.
Entering into a friendship opens the door for hurt and harm; a harmful friend or a toxic friendship can be one of life's hardest relationship tribulations to forgive and forget. Toxic friends often come back to haunt you for a long time.
There are nine main types of toxic friends--those people whose friendship hurts you eventually. Knowing the categories of toxic friends helps you avoid them. Unfortunately, though, becoming friends is risky and there is never a guarantee you will not be hurt by a toxic friend.
The User as a Toxic Friend:
This person only has friends as long as he/she can use them for some purpose or goal of his/her own. This person could be the most harmful of toxic friends.
The Betrayer as a Toxic Friend:
Nothing hurts more than a friend who betrays you. The betrayer is truly a toxic friend.
The Control Freak as a Toxic Friend:
The control freak is a friend as long as she/he is in control. The control freak often seems to be helping you. Refuse that help or break that control and find out what toxic friendship really means.
The Judge as a Toxic Friend:
Ever judgmental, ever critical, this friend can erode your self-esteem. The judge is a fault finder. You can rarely do anything completely right with this toxic friend.
The Promise Breaker as a Toxic Friend:
This person rarely does what he says he will do. If you have a date, your toxic friend is often a no-show. A general lack of dependability makes this person a toxic friend.
The Gossip as a Toxic Friend:
The gossip will eventually betray your trust and become a toxic friend. Gossips are easy to spot so beware your friendships with them.
The Self-Centered Person as a Toxic Friend:
Self-centered people can't think of you as they are too busy thinking of themselves. They make toxic friends.
The Competitor as a Toxic Friend:
The competitor is always looking to be "one up." Although some competitiveness is normal in friendships, too much competition makes a toxic friend.
Again, no can always avoid a toxic friend. But often to be forewarned is to be forearmed.
The Leaner as a Toxic Friend:
The leaner is a very needy friend who clings and may be at your doorstep every day. He/she usually wants all of your time and jealousy often enters the picture in this friendship.
Limit setting is difficult because people mistake it for rejection. However, limits mean that you care enough not to get entangled in your friend, lover, sibling's problems; you care enough not to take care of him/her...
Limit setting is often stressful and painful. It will probably give you an intimidating sense of aloneness.
You are separating yourself from old familiar roles and behavior patterns. Any loss brings feelings of anxiety, stress, and even emptiness.
And limit setting inevitably brings guilt. Bear in mind, it doesn't mean you have deserted or quit loving your friend, lover, or sibling. It does mean you are expressing that love in a different and more helpful (to both of you) manner.
Setting limits is a challenging task at work; it often seems an insurmountable task when love is involved. However, like all people skills, setting limits is a process that gets easier with practice.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Thing's Just Go South Sometime
Just Recently I have to terminate a friendship and it has caused me a lot of stress and greif and introspection. I have to look at why I chose not to enforce my barriers in a more upfront way., And one of the thing's I have to look at is the lessons learned.
Friendships Do End - Losing Friends.
Friends Part and Even Best Maintained Friendships End:
Losing Friends
Jan Wilson
Friendships may not last. Friendships can lose importance and die gradually. Some friendships end abruptly with unresolved conflict. The worst enemy of friendships is change by one or both friends. There is usually pain with the loss of friendship.In fact, friendships end with pain and change.
Carole King's song, "You've Got A Friend" promises "Winter, spring, summer, or fall--all you've got to do is call--and I'll be there." Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.
Yet, friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end.
Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other's company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.
Sue said, "The end of our friendship was a gradual thing. I moved from one side of the metroplex to the other. We had over an hour's drive to see each other. For a year or so, we met religiously. Then our friendship began to taper off."
John wrote, "I didn't even know the friendship was over until I caught myself thinking of Alan as a former friend. In the past tense rather than the present."
Pat explained, "We started seeing each other less and less. The friendship was just over."
Other friendships break up suddenly from a disagreement or move to another town.
Paul said, "When I moved to Seattle after college, our friendship abruptly died. We were both struggling with new jobs and didn't keep in touch. Now that friendship is so dead, I don't even call him when I go home."
Sandy wrote, "That was the last straw for our friendship. I never spoke to Lisa again. It's like we were never friends."
Bob Carver, Dallas psychotherapist, says, "A friendship or any other relationship fails because of three things:
Unexpressed expectations,
Undelivered communication,
And/or thwarted attention."
Yet the biggest threat to a friendship is change.
For example, moving from single life to coupled life has a great effect on friendship. Coupled persons often feel their single friends act interested in them only when a romantic prospect is not in sight. They may feel jealousy for or neglected by a single friend's new social life. The single friend may feel awkward and withdraw from a world of twosomes. Divorced and widowed people often have a feeling of being abandoned by old friends.
Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grow in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."
Regardless of why, when, or how friendships end, there is always some pain of loss to assimilate. When nothing can be done to mend the friendship, it is important to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.
Friendships Do End - Losing Friends.
Friends Part and Even Best Maintained Friendships End:
Losing Friends
Jan Wilson
Friendships may not last. Friendships can lose importance and die gradually. Some friendships end abruptly with unresolved conflict. The worst enemy of friendships is change by one or both friends. There is usually pain with the loss of friendship.In fact, friendships end with pain and change.
Carole King's song, "You've Got A Friend" promises "Winter, spring, summer, or fall--all you've got to do is call--and I'll be there." Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.
Yet, friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end.
Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other's company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.
Sue said, "The end of our friendship was a gradual thing. I moved from one side of the metroplex to the other. We had over an hour's drive to see each other. For a year or so, we met religiously. Then our friendship began to taper off."
John wrote, "I didn't even know the friendship was over until I caught myself thinking of Alan as a former friend. In the past tense rather than the present."
Pat explained, "We started seeing each other less and less. The friendship was just over."
Other friendships break up suddenly from a disagreement or move to another town.
Paul said, "When I moved to Seattle after college, our friendship abruptly died. We were both struggling with new jobs and didn't keep in touch. Now that friendship is so dead, I don't even call him when I go home."
Sandy wrote, "That was the last straw for our friendship. I never spoke to Lisa again. It's like we were never friends."
Bob Carver, Dallas psychotherapist, says, "A friendship or any other relationship fails because of three things:
Unexpressed expectations,
Undelivered communication,
And/or thwarted attention."
Yet the biggest threat to a friendship is change.
For example, moving from single life to coupled life has a great effect on friendship. Coupled persons often feel their single friends act interested in them only when a romantic prospect is not in sight. They may feel jealousy for or neglected by a single friend's new social life. The single friend may feel awkward and withdraw from a world of twosomes. Divorced and widowed people often have a feeling of being abandoned by old friends.
Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grow in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."
Regardless of why, when, or how friendships end, there is always some pain of loss to assimilate. When nothing can be done to mend the friendship, it is important to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Shudder...
As with many people I was shocked at the Acts Of Terrorisim committed on Sept. 11, 2001. I have run across a few interesting articles and facts that ask the question of the identity of real terroist. Please visit http://www.loosechange.com
Excerpts From Site Include - "Loose Change 2nd Edition" is the follow-up to the most provocative 9-11 documentary on the market today.
This film shows direct connection between the attacks of September 11, 2001 and the United States government.
Evidence is derived from news footage, scientific fact, and most important, Americans who suffered through that tragic day.
IT IS EVERYONE'S duty TO VIEW THIS FILM!
The information in Loose Change 2nd Edition
is widely available to the public.
We have done nothing extraordinary in terms of research. We also do not take credit for these people's hard work.
Also, take nothing we say at face value.
We highly encourage you to research this information yourselves and come to your own conclusions.
Also latest realease of footage of The Pentagon Crash - http://www.current.tv/google/GC01409
September, 2000
The Project for a New American Century, a neo-conservative think tank whose members include Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Jeb Bush and Paul Wolfowitz, releases their report entitled “Rebuilding America’s Defenses.”
In it, they declare that “the process of transformation, even if it brings revolutionary change, is likely to be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalyzing event - like a new Pearl Harbor.” (Page 50-51)
October 24th, 2000
The Pentagon conducts the first of two training exercises called MASCAL, which simulates a Boeing 757 crashing into the building.
Charles Burlingame, an ex-Navy F4 pilot who worked in the Pentagon, participates in this exercise before retiring to take a job at American Airlines, where, less than a year later, his Boeing 757 allegedly crashes into the building.
July 24th, 2001
Larry A. Silverstein, who already owned World Trade Center 7, signs a $3.2 billion dollar, 99-year lease on the entire World Trade Center complex, six weeks before 9-11.
Included in the lease is a $3.5 billion dollar insurance policy specifically covering acts of terrorism.
September 6th, 2001
3,150 put options are placed on United Airlines’ stock.
A put option is a bet that a stock will fall. That day, the put options were more than four times its daily average
Excerpts From Site Include - "Loose Change 2nd Edition" is the follow-up to the most provocative 9-11 documentary on the market today.
This film shows direct connection between the attacks of September 11, 2001 and the United States government.
Evidence is derived from news footage, scientific fact, and most important, Americans who suffered through that tragic day.
IT IS EVERYONE'S duty TO VIEW THIS FILM!
The information in Loose Change 2nd Edition
is widely available to the public.
We have done nothing extraordinary in terms of research. We also do not take credit for these people's hard work.
Also, take nothing we say at face value.
We highly encourage you to research this information yourselves and come to your own conclusions.
Also latest realease of footage of The Pentagon Crash - http://www.current.tv/google/GC01409
September, 2000
The Project for a New American Century, a neo-conservative think tank whose members include Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Jeb Bush and Paul Wolfowitz, releases their report entitled “Rebuilding America’s Defenses.”
In it, they declare that “the process of transformation, even if it brings revolutionary change, is likely to be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalyzing event - like a new Pearl Harbor.” (Page 50-51)
October 24th, 2000
The Pentagon conducts the first of two training exercises called MASCAL, which simulates a Boeing 757 crashing into the building.
Charles Burlingame, an ex-Navy F4 pilot who worked in the Pentagon, participates in this exercise before retiring to take a job at American Airlines, where, less than a year later, his Boeing 757 allegedly crashes into the building.
July 24th, 2001
Larry A. Silverstein, who already owned World Trade Center 7, signs a $3.2 billion dollar, 99-year lease on the entire World Trade Center complex, six weeks before 9-11.
Included in the lease is a $3.5 billion dollar insurance policy specifically covering acts of terrorism.
September 6th, 2001
3,150 put options are placed on United Airlines’ stock.
A put option is a bet that a stock will fall. That day, the put options were more than four times its daily average
Saturday, May 20, 2006
You Spot It You Got It...
In looking deep into ones self it has been pointed out to me that if I recognize an asset or negative character trait, the reason I see it so glaring in others that I myself possess it.
I had a real hard time accepting this very real truth.,But I have come to find this a useful tool of self examination and a damper for my opinion to others.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Imagine That
Klentze
FELLATIO UND BRUSTRISIKO
Fellatio und Brustrisiko
Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University study found.Doctors had never suspected a link between the act of fellatio and breastcancer, but new research being performed at North Carolina State University is starting to suggest that there could be an important link between the two. ”In a study of over 15,000 women suspected of having performed regular fellatio and swallowed the ejaculatory fluid, over the past ten years, the researchers found that those actually having performed the act regularly, one to two times a week, had a lower occurance of breast cancer than those who had not. There was no increased risk, however, for those who did not regularly perform. "I think it removes the last shade of doubt that fellatio is actually a healthy act," said Dr. A.J. Kramer of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who was not involved in the research." ”I am surprised by these findings, but am also excited that the researchers may have discovered a relatively easy way to lower the occurance of breast cancer in women." The University researchers stressed that, though breast cancer is relatively uncommon, any steps taken to reduce the risk would be a wise decision.
"Only with regular occurance will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Helena Shifteer, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research, I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."
The study is reported in Friday's Journal of Medical Research.
In 1991, 43,582 women died of breast cancer, as reported by the National Cancer Institute.
Dr. Len Lictepeen, deputy chief medical officer for the American Cancer Society, said women should not overlook or "play down" these findings.
"This will hopefully change women's practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases," Lictepeen said.
Sooner said the research shows no increase in the risk of breast cancer in those who are, for whatever reason, not able to fellate regularly.
"There's definitely fertile ground for more research. Many have stepped forward to volunteer for related research now in the planning stages," he said.
Almost every woman is, at some point, going to perform the act of fellatio, but it is the frequency at which this event occurs that makes the difference, say researchers. Also key seems to be the protein and enzyme count in the semen, but researchers are again waiting for more test data.
The reasearch consisted of two groups, 6,246 women ages 25 to 45 who had performed fellatio and swallowed on a regular basis over the past five to ten years, and 9,728 women who had not or did not swallow. The group of women who had performed and swallowed had a breast cancer rate of 1.9 percent and the group who had not had a breast cancer rate of 10.4 percent.
"The findings do suggest that there are other causes for breast cancer besides the absence of regular fellatio," Shafteer said. "It's a cause, not THE cause."
FELLATIO UND BRUSTRISIKO
Fellatio und Brustrisiko
Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University study found.Doctors had never suspected a link between the act of fellatio and breastcancer, but new research being performed at North Carolina State University is starting to suggest that there could be an important link between the two. ”In a study of over 15,000 women suspected of having performed regular fellatio and swallowed the ejaculatory fluid, over the past ten years, the researchers found that those actually having performed the act regularly, one to two times a week, had a lower occurance of breast cancer than those who had not. There was no increased risk, however, for those who did not regularly perform. "I think it removes the last shade of doubt that fellatio is actually a healthy act," said Dr. A.J. Kramer of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who was not involved in the research." ”I am surprised by these findings, but am also excited that the researchers may have discovered a relatively easy way to lower the occurance of breast cancer in women." The University researchers stressed that, though breast cancer is relatively uncommon, any steps taken to reduce the risk would be a wise decision.
"Only with regular occurance will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Helena Shifteer, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research, I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."
The study is reported in Friday's Journal of Medical Research.
In 1991, 43,582 women died of breast cancer, as reported by the National Cancer Institute.
Dr. Len Lictepeen, deputy chief medical officer for the American Cancer Society, said women should not overlook or "play down" these findings.
"This will hopefully change women's practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases," Lictepeen said.
Sooner said the research shows no increase in the risk of breast cancer in those who are, for whatever reason, not able to fellate regularly.
"There's definitely fertile ground for more research. Many have stepped forward to volunteer for related research now in the planning stages," he said.
Almost every woman is, at some point, going to perform the act of fellatio, but it is the frequency at which this event occurs that makes the difference, say researchers. Also key seems to be the protein and enzyme count in the semen, but researchers are again waiting for more test data.
The reasearch consisted of two groups, 6,246 women ages 25 to 45 who had performed fellatio and swallowed on a regular basis over the past five to ten years, and 9,728 women who had not or did not swallow. The group of women who had performed and swallowed had a breast cancer rate of 1.9 percent and the group who had not had a breast cancer rate of 10.4 percent.
"The findings do suggest that there are other causes for breast cancer besides the absence of regular fellatio," Shafteer said. "It's a cause, not THE cause."
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