Who Are You...Who Am I

It has become important for me to look at not only who I put into my life but what I put out to others...my goal is not make them happy (however this is sometime a byproduct of a realtionship)but for us to be able to share truth.



Toxic Friends- Toxic Friendships
When Friends Hurt and Friendships Harm
Joy Stevens

Recognizing a toxic friendship before it starts. Avoid friends that harm you and friendships that are potentially harmful when you can.
Entering into a friendship opens the door for hurt and harm; a harmful friend or a toxic friendship can be one of life's hardest relationship tribulations to forgive and forget. Toxic friends often come back to haunt you for a long time.
There are nine main types of toxic friends--those people whose friendship hurts you eventually. Knowing the categories of toxic friends helps you avoid them. Unfortunately, though, becoming friends is risky and there is never a guarantee you will not be hurt by a toxic friend.

The User as a Toxic Friend:
This person only has friends as long as he/she can use them for some purpose or goal of his/her own. This person could be the most harmful of toxic friends.

The Betrayer as a Toxic Friend:
Nothing hurts more than a friend who betrays you. The betrayer is truly a toxic friend.

The Control Freak as a Toxic Friend:
The control freak is a friend as long as she/he is in control. The control freak often seems to be helping you. Refuse that help or break that control and find out what toxic friendship really means.

The Judge as a Toxic Friend:
Ever judgmental, ever critical, this friend can erode your self-esteem. The judge is a fault finder. You can rarely do anything completely right with this toxic friend.

The Promise Breaker as a Toxic Friend:
This person rarely does what he says he will do. If you have a date, your toxic friend is often a no-show. A general lack of dependability makes this person a toxic friend.

The Gossip as a Toxic Friend:
The gossip will eventually betray your trust and become a toxic friend. Gossips are easy to spot so beware your friendships with them.


The Self-Centered Person as a Toxic Friend:
Self-centered people can't think of you as they are too busy thinking of themselves. They make toxic friends.
The Competitor as a Toxic Friend:
The competitor is always looking to be "one up." Although some competitiveness is normal in friendships, too much competition makes a toxic friend.

Again, no can always avoid a toxic friend. But often to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

The Leaner as a Toxic Friend:
The leaner is a very needy friend who clings and may be at your doorstep every day. He/she usually wants all of your time and jealousy often enters the picture in this friendship.

Limit setting is difficult because people mistake it for rejection. However, limits mean that you care enough not to get entangled in your friend, lover, sibling's problems; you care enough not to take care of him/her...

Limit setting is often stressful and painful. It will probably give you an intimidating sense of aloneness.

You are separating yourself from old familiar roles and behavior patterns. Any loss brings feelings of anxiety, stress, and even emptiness.

And limit setting inevitably brings guilt. Bear in mind, it doesn't mean you have deserted or quit loving your friend, lover, or sibling. It does mean you are expressing that love in a different and more helpful (to both of you) manner.

Setting limits is a challenging task at work; it often seems an insurmountable task when love is involved. However, like all people skills, setting limits is a process that gets easier with practice.